Like A Daughter, like a Mother
by the stargate time traveller
Summary: My version of what the series finale might be. With their friendship in tatters, its left to Rachel to find Gill. Can she do it for the person she believes is a mother figure, or will she learn something about herself she never considered?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer - I don't own Scott & Bailey. **

**Like A Daughter, Like a Mother. **

Normally when she drove her car, Rachel Bailey drove like a mad woman, or as Sean, her now ex husband called her ' a mad bitch,' shouting it in the middle of the night. At the moment Rachel was now so numb she couldn't muster the effort to go as fast as she'd done in the past.

Gill had been kidnapped, the closest thing to a proper mother Rachel had ever had in her life had been kidnapped by Helen Bartlet - Alison counted in a way, seeing as the older girl had taken care of her and their brother, Dom when their real mother had fucked off.

The news had made Rachel numb with shock, but she was pissed off as well. It was one thing Helen had neglected to tell anyone what her fucked up parents had done over the years, inviting people into their home, then raping them before killing them, but she could have told the police when she'd been questioned when she'd finally gotten her finger out of her arse, and actually told someone, but now she'd certainly crossed a line.

Rachel left psychology to people like Lee, who specialised in it, but she had actually been close to Helen, close enough to smell the breath of the other woman. When she'd first met Helen with Pete at the start of the first investigation into Eunice's murder, it had been a confident young professional, helping someone out with their shopping, but once she'd been told who they were, the confidence had melted off her face. Rachel had seen it.

Dread.

Helen had taken her mother's death calmly, saying she'd not had anything to do with any of her family for years since leaving home, she'd even had the fucking nerve she knew now by saying she had no idea where two of her siblings were. Lies, Helen herself had helped Joe Beven, her insane psycho for a dad, burying her bother, Michael. God alone knew if Helen had watched her own mother dismember her other sibling, Sheila.

The Beven family made Rachel ill; Eunice and Joe were psychopathic fruitloops, had in Eunice's case seeing as her equally made husband had been the one to kill her before the family dog, who'd been so hungry and mistreated, it had gotten it's revenge by chewing through Eunice's head, making the police think someone had hacked it off. The kids, by all accounts, were no better seeing as they'd been raised in that shithole, being abused sexually, physically and mentally, you could just see the tell tale signs on Helen's face, see it in her eyes as you looked into them as Rachel had when both women had sat in that interview room. But was Helen totally innocent? Not now she wasn't, not now she'd kidnapped DCI Murray.

Rachel hit the car door in frustration; why hadn't Helen told her about the cellar during those hours and hours of questioning during those first interviews, and the horrors that were down there when she'd been questioned that first time around? Had she been so terrified of her father even though the filthy old bastard had been in hospital at the time, or was she trying to persuade herself burying her own brother had never happened, that it was some particularly hideous nightmare? On the subject of fathers, Rachel could sympathise, seeing as her dad had died a couple of years ago when Rachel was working on the Owen Cottam case. Her dad had often lashed out in a drunken rage against anyone who took away his beer or whatever poison he had, and Rachel could count how many times she'd often received a clout round her head, or worse.

Rachel sighed. How could Helen be so stupid, and did she really think this would help her by kidnapping a senior police officer? Did she honestly think she wouldn't be hunted down? The CPS had decided to arrest Helen for concealing the graves in the Beven house, despite her making a bargain with the police, and although she couldn't blame them for making the decision, seeing as Helen had wasted police time during that first investigation, but she could've received something a bit better. Rachel had gone with Janet to arrest her, and Helen had reacted the same way Joe had when he'd been arrested, by lashing out.

Janet.

The thought of her - ex? - best friend caused a jolt of pain in Rachel's chest, like it did just thinking about Sean and how she'd ruined it for him. Or had she? Rachel knew deep inside her their marriage would never have worked; Sean was a happy go lucky guy. Within days of reuniting with him again since they'd both been 14, he'd hinted marriage and kids. It was all too much, too soon. Rachel had grinned and laughed like a fool, but she'd been taken aback by how sudden everything was.

But Sean had helped her, hadn't he? Whether she admitted it to herself or someone else or not, Sean had helped her. Who had run Dom down to the clinic to have his HIV test done when she couldn't do it herself? Who had helped her straighten things out with her own mother, though that had also turned out to be one big disappointment seeing as her mother still acted like a fucked up drunken teen.

It was the Nick Savage attack that had truly made Rachel happy enough to consider being his wife. Alison, Janet, even Gill had helped her through that mess when Dom had been arrested, only the stupid bastard had implicated HER in Nick's death. How many times had Rachel wanted the now deceased barrister to pay for what he'd done, humiliating her and causing her pain? She hadn't wanted him to die, though. Rot in prison, yes.

But Nick was dead now, thanks to Dom. And indirectly, Rachel.

Sean had been with her then when her friends and sister hadn't, always ready for a quiet word, a rant, a joke, a hug, a kiss, a laugh...Rachel had been taken in then, so she'd said yes, yes she would marry him. The preparations to getting married to Sean had taken some of the weight off her shoulders, though there was still the black Nick Savage shaped cloud following her, taunting her. Sean had made her safe.

So what the fuck had gone wrong?

Rachel knew, and she wished she'd told someone like Janet or her mother, Dorothy even if the old cow didn't like her. Could either of them have helped her, instead of Rachel acting like some sex crazed slut? Maybe.

The marriage had broken down because of the pair of them. Before the spectre of Nick fucking bastard Savage had been cast again 'cause the fucking CPS, the same CPS who were responsible for Helen's present crime in kidnapping a senior police officer, had decided to drop all the charges on Savage, Sean had hounded her, day and fucking night, to marry him. With the added stresses of Dom and what the CPS had done, Rachel had found it too hard to cope. He wasn't a bad guy was Sean, just an annoying one. After the drama and the two were married, they didn't live happily ever after.

Sean's attitude seemed to say ' yep, I'm married to the woman of my dreams. I don't have to make much effort now.' Bad news was yes he did. One person couldn't make a marriage work, and Rachel had tried. Oh fuck yes, but after a few months of working at it she'd simply given up. She'd gotten a sleeping bag, slept only a foot away from her desk at the office. How sad was that? Rachel could've stayed at her sisters. But she'd discounted that; Alison would've hounded her and Sean for answers, and Rachel could picture the disappointment on her face when she learnt the marriage was breaking down.

Janet had found out, not that Rachel had had much choice in telling her when they dealt with Helen, who had no where else to go. Janet had put her up for a few nights, during which Rachel was put under interrogations and criticisms by Dorothy for corrupting Taisie.

The jolt of pain returned when the thought of Taisie came to her mind. Rachel loved Elise and Taisie, seeing them as younger sisters, but they were their own people. But what she and Kevin had done...Rachel felt her eyes sting at the memory of being unceremoniously being dragged out of Janet's house, drunk, with Kevin, and Taisie's shocked face, and Janet's anger and disappointment. Oh, Rachel had lashed out at Janet. It was her primary defense, but Rachel had hoped Janet would have spoken to her about it now it was done with, but she hadn't. Somehow Rachel doubted it would.

But Janet...in a way, Rachel understood perfectly the source of disappointment her friend had, but she was no saint herself. Look at the way she had two flings with Andy, and she was married to Adrian. How did that make her better than Rachel?

The young DC shook her head. She didn't have time to think about her fallout with Janet, her shortcomings with Sean. Gill was more important. Spotting from her windshield a set of traffic lights ahead, Rachel slowed down when they changed to red. Blowing out a breath, Rachel watched as a mother and two kids crossed the road, the kids dressed in school uniforms, heading home.

Rachel leant forward. Home. That was it.

Before she knew it she had her phone in hand, and was already dialing Julie's number.

" Ma'am. DC Bailey. Has anyone checked the old Beven place on Peverall street?" Rachel asked Julie Dodson without preamble.

_" Rachel. Where the fuck are you?"_ Julie asked, and then the DC's question filtered through into her brain. "_ No, we didn't see the need. Why?"_

Keeping her cursing of their collective stupidity to a minimum, Rachel answered the second question. " I just saw a mother take her kids home. Where else does Helen have if we've already checked the house she had with Louise? She has no where left. Except that place it all started."

Julie was quiet for a moment, then.."_Where are you, Rachel?"_

Was that concern in Dodson's voice? " I'm close, just..." Rachel estimated the distance to go. " Another five minutes."

_" I don't want you to go in there unless we know what we're doing." _

" Listen ma'am, I know Helen. I think I might be able to reason with her," Rachel shook her head at the lack of positivity in her voice; could Helen be reasoned with after being let down because of the decision made by the CPS? Probably not, but they had to try. " Besides, I'm not going to drive up to the door. If there's anyone there then they'd have gone through the front. There's no backdoor in the garden. I'm going to get out and ask."

_" No Rachel, it might be dangerous."_

Anger burned in Rachel's chest. " It might also be dangerous for Gil- I mean DCI Murray. Who knows what Helen is doing."

Silence. " _I'm sending uniform there now. I'm also noting this down, DC Bailey, that you are entering a potentially dangerous situation without thought or care to your wellbeing."_

Rachel swallowed. " I'll call you with news. Bye."

It had stunned her by how much DSI Dodson had sounded...concerned.

* * *

Rachel's gut feeling she was right was proven right when she saw the car parked outside the Beven place. Gill's car. Rachel swallowed, and got out of her car, putting her bulletproof vest on. She knocked on one of the doors opposite the house of horror.

A girl of 11 answered. " Hi," she said cautiously.

Rachel smiled, and held out her warrant card. " That car," she pointed at the car outside the Beven's house, " how long has it been there, and did you see anyone get out?"

The girl nodded. The revelation the Bevens had been murderers had stunned the street, and now people were telling stories about it, had been for months now.

" Yeah," she replied eagerly. " It arrived a few hours ago."

Rachel nodded. " The people who went in, were they women?"

" Yeah."

" Was one of them short, delicate looking with short brown hair, and was the other one around my height with dark hair?" Rachel asked.

" I didn't see one of them 'cause they were wearing a hood," the girl replied, " but yeah, she was around your height. The other was short, and looked kinda like a bird with short hair."

Rachel quirked a brow. " Do you often look at the house?"

" Kinda hard not to, yeah?" The girl asked. Her eyes fixed on Rachel, becoming slightly full of hero worship, and Rachel felt a pang as the girl stared at her the same way Hayden had when they'd first met, only this time instead of being looked at the same way a scientist looks at a petri dish with some new form of bacteria on it, this girl was looking at her with something Rachel couldn't identify. " What with them murders. Did you investigate it, the case I mean?"

Rachel gave a small smile, but she didn't reply. Instead she thanked the girl for her time, and walked off. She took out her phone and dialed Julie.

" Her car's out, and I've just asked if anyone's gone in. It looks like they are in, and uniform are here," Rachel said, trailing off as a squad car turned up, Julie was saying, "_Wait for us to get down there, Rachel-"_

But Rachel wasn't listening. She'd just spotted who was coming out of the squad car.

Sean didn't look happy to see her. " Well, if it isn't the ex Mrs McCartney," he said darkly, looking over her with a sneer of disgust. Rachel winced, then she pulled herself together, and ignored him, opening the gate separating the Beven's house of hell from the rest of the street. Sean's police training snapped into place, and he grabbed her arm before she could walk through. Out of the corner of her eye Rachel could see the door slightly ajar. Someone was definitely in.

" Are you out of your mind?!" Sean snarled at her.

Rachel smiled at him ironically. " As you kept saying when we were together," Sean winced, " I am a mad bitch." She tried to leave, but Sean tightened his grip. " You're not going in there, not without backup."

Rachel glared at him, then she nodded. Sean smiled, thinking he'd made her see sense. Maybe they could make their marriage work, and he could teach her not to see other men. Too late, he didn't react in time to stop Rachel's fist from punching him. The blow made him stagger and lose consciousness.

Rachel caught him before he could fall. " Sorry, Sean, but this is too important," tears sprang to her eyes as her voice became more quieter, " but I'll be saving the life of someone I...," she couldn't say it. She wiped her tears away, and she looked down at her hands, and saw the wedding ring. It was glinting as if to torture her, make her feel guilty. It was working.

Rachel took it off, and placed it in Sean's hand. " I'm sorry I can't be your wife, at least not the one you wanted."

Taking a deep breath, Rachel walked down the path into the house.


	2. Chapter 2

**Like A Daughter, Like a Mother. **

DC Janet Scott winced as DSI Julie Dodson swerved at the last minute. Shit, this was worse that Rachel's driving, but she wasn't going to say anything, not now she knew what new mad stunt Rachel was playing. Why did she have to play the hero? Janet shook her head. She knew why. Rachel had always exuded a tough exterior, but someone who wanted to be known and recognised for what she did. Rachel wasn't a fame or glory seeker, she was just someone trying to do her job.

" Janet, you know Rachel better than I do," Julie's voice cut through her thoughts. " What'll she do?"

Janet sighed. " I think she'll go in."

Julie shook her head, but her mind wasn't on what DC Bailey was doing. " Endangering Gill's life in the process."

Despite their falling out, Janet couldn't help but defend Rachel. " It's better than standing outside that dump, saying promises over a loud hailer that won't be kept." Janet glared at the DSI. Julie smirked, and Janet put her head in her hands. " You were testing me, weren't you?"

Julie chuckled as kept one eye on the road ahead, and one on Janet. " Yeah," she replied then her voice became sadder. " Janet, Gill routinely sings your praises, you and Rachel. Says you're a ' Batman and Robin' duo, and I believe her. What happened between you?"

Janet sighed. For the next five minutes Julie listened as Janet poured everything out, the breakdown between Rachel and Sean, Rachel staying over at Janet's, and finally catching Rachel fucking Kevin in Janet's home in front of her daughter. Julie shook her head. Contrary to what some believed, Julie liked Rachel. Like Gill she could see the potential, the ambition in Rachel, but sometimes and unintentionally she could be a liability.

Marriages fell apart all the time, Julie had seen it many times over the years. She'd given Gill a shoulder to cry on when it came out Dave had knocked that bimbo in uniform and left Gill for her when they had Sammy.

Something occurred to Julie. " Sean, Sean McCartney?"

" Yeah," Janet frowned. " Know him?"

Julie clenched her teeth. " Yeah," she replied. " He's been married 7 times, 8 if you count Rachel." Julie ignored Janet's look of surprise. "When I saw him in that pub when we went there during the joint investigation into those skeletons, I thought I recognised him. Now I know, I wish I'd told Rachel just what kind of bloke he is."

" What do you mean?"

" Like I said, he's been married 7 times, he's had 3 kids out of those marriages," Julie replied. " He doesn't let his marriages interfere with his work, but there have been rumors for years he's been cheating on them behind their backs."

Janet felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. " Do you think he did the same with Rachel?"

" Possibly," Julie replied. " He often does it shortly after he's married them, and I once met one of his ex wives. She was bitter about it. She was nursing a bottle of vodka, frowning at the photograph on him and her dressed to the nines. I recognised him as a uniform I'd often seen during cases. She told me what had happened. Sean had cheated on her for months, and she found out by walking in on him and this 18 year old asian girl in their bed."

" Do you think he's been doing that with Rachel?" Janet repeated. If she'd found out then it would explain why Rachel had taken to avoiding him, and why she'd shagged two men. Guilt was settling into the pit of her stomach.

Julie shook his head, " I dunno. The poor lass I spoke to had told me in confidence marriage to Sean turned from fun to a dull existence. He was boring, he was clingy...typical stuff. He also made, apparently, no effort into keeping the marriage fixed."

Janet winced as she thought about her own marriage to Adrian, look what happened there. " Do you think I made a mistake, thinking she wasn't making any effort to make the marriage work?"

" Well, you did just say to me she felt like the marriage was wrong," Julie glanced sideways at her before returning her gaze on the traffic. " From the sounds of it Rachel had tried to make something out of it, but Sean couldn't be bothered. It's not entirely her fault but she isn't exempt from it, either."

Janet closed her eyes as she thought of the way she'd treated Rachel recently, ignoring her, sniping at her. " I couldn't give a monkey's," she'd said to her. The memory of Rachel's hurt expression making Janet feel ill.

* * *

By the time Julie and Janet arrived, they could tell Rachel was here already. Janet turned to Julie, " She's here," she said, pointing at Sean, who was just waking up, and picking himself up off the ground by his car, gazing at something in his hand in astonishment. As the two women left their car, Sean let out an angry bellow that made him sound like a man possessed.

" You mad bitch!" He was shouting at the house, seemingly unaware of their presence.

" What the hell is going on?" Janet asked.

A girl who couldn't have been any older than Taisie came over, her face bright. " She punched him in the face," she said brightly. Janet quirked a brow.

Julie bent down till her eyes were level with the girls. " Sorry love, but can you explain that?"

The girl nodded. " This police lady turned up, dressed in a bulletproof vest, asking if anyone had gone into that Beven place, and I told her I'd seen two people go inside. I asked her if she'd investigated it last time."

" And what did she say?" Janet asked.

" She just smiled at me, then she walked up to the gate when that police car turned up, and he got out," she pointed at Sean, " and they said a few things, then she punched him in the face."

Julie straightened herself as the girl asked. " Is she always like that, so cool?"

Janet chuckled, remembering all too well when Rachel had spent no less than 5 minutes with Taisie and Elise, after that the two girls had formed a fan club dedicated to her. " Yeah, she is." The girl smiled. " I wanna be like her."

Janet shook her head. Great, another fan. What about her? Hadn't Janet put scumbags behind bars?

As the two officers left the girl and went over to Sean, Julie remarked to Janet, " Seems Rachel's made an impression."

" Yeah," Janet laughed. " My mum thinks Rachel's a corrupting influence on my daughters, but Elise and Taisie love her. Not sure about now though, since Taisie caught her in bed with Kevin."

Julie laughed despite the situation, " Scary image."

Janet ignored her, though she smirked. " She's not bad around kids, she asks me for advice when dealing with them, but she only needs to be herself."

When they reached Sean, Julie's eyes scanned him. He had a swollen cheek and lip, and he was still staring at the palm of his hand in disbelief and more than a little anger. Janet frowned as she looked at it, then her eyes widened when she saw the wedding ring.

Rachel's wedding ring.

Why would she - oh, no, Janet thought as a possibility came to mind. Did Rachel leave this ring because she didn't think she was coming out of there alive? The thought made Janet's insides and blood turn to ice. It was too late she thought, too late for her and her mother to sit down and actually speak and listen to Rachel and her problems.

Then another idea popped out, one far more neutral. This was it, this ring and what it symbolised, for Rachel and Sean...It was truly over. Was that why Sean was acting like a deranged nutter and not a police officer?

Julie lost it. " Shut up PC McCartney! Now tell us what has happened."

Sean shut up alright, but then his gaze became wild again as he noticed Janet. " Your friend's a mad bitch!" He was no better, Janet equated him to a mad dog, all that was missing was froth in his mouth.

" What did Rachel do, is she in that house?" Julie asked pointing at the house with a finger, her patience wearing thin.

" Yeah she's in that house," Sean replied. " She was going in as I arrived. I tried to stop her, but she punched me. When I came too I found this in my hand," he held up the ring. " She can stay in there and die, far as I'm concerned."

Charming. The two policewomen hoped Sean didn't mean that. Janet and Julie looked up at the house, both wondering what Gill, and now Rachel, were dealing with.

* * *

Punching Sean had been therapeutic as far as Rachel was concerned, to get rid of all that anger she had for him, all that was needed were the divorce papers and she would be free again. True she felt bad about it all, but the marriage to Sean had made her realise two things. One, she might not be the marrying type. If she was then she was hopeful the next guy was someone to sweep her off her feet, and argue with her.

Two, she simply wasn't ready, if ever.

Didn't make sense to her, either.

Shit.

Rachel opened the door. It surprised her that Helen had left the thing open when anyone could just walk in. Either Helen had thought she had closed the door herself, and had missed it when pushing her hostage inside the house, or she'd left it open deliberately. Rachel stayed in the hall, keeping absolutely still. She could hear a muffled voice upstairs, then it went quiet.

Rachel licked her lips. Helen or Gill knew she was there, but if it were Gill speaking - she couldn't hear anyone since the voice had been practically a whisper anyway - then why would she stop speaking? She decided to be bold and tell Helen she was there. She called out from the stairs. " Helen? Helen, its me, DC Bailey. I'm not here to hurt you."

Silence. Not a good sign.

When she reached the top landing, she spoke again. " Helen, think. This isn't doing your case any good. You were arrested because you'd kept the truth secret for so long." Rachel fell silent again, trying to decide what room to check out first. She could already see the bathroom. It looked empty, but Helen could be in there, waiting. Rachel tiptoed over quietly, and checked inside. No one there.

Stepping back on the landing, Rachel tried again. " You've hit a new low Helen, kidnapping a senior police officer. Not a good move. Don't make it worse for yourself."

" Why not?"

Of course, Rachel thought. The bedroom. The place where Sheila Beven had been found, dismembered. She headed there quietly.

" No need to tiptoe, DC Bailey. I heard you from the moment you walked in here. Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you. Can I call you Rachel?"

Sure, Helen. Course you can, and then we can sit down and have afternoon tea with Godzilla bound and gagged. " Yeah," Rachel replied.

" Thanks Rachel," Helen replied from the room. " You were so nice to me during that interview, so understanding. You were abused too, weren't you? Only another abused child could be that understanding."

Rachel sucked in a breath, angry at Helen for thinking just because they shared that particular facet of their shitty lives. She didn't reply.

Helen's voice became mocking. " You didn't know did you?" she asked someone, not Rachel obviously. Gill. " Didn't know why your Detective Constable was so understanding that it was genuine, why she's clearly ambitious? Why she's so hard? You're forgetting Rachel, I've been working in retail and before that I lived in this shit hole, I know everything about you is false. That hardness I know that hard exteriors hiding a little girl, crying out. I know, I'm one myself.

Anger boiled in Rachel's chest. How dare Helen think they were alike. " Mind your own business," she hissed, the feelings in her voice proving to anyone listening that Helen had managed to get under her skin. She was so angry she hadn't heard the door open. It had been opened a minute before Helen had asked if she could call Rachel by her name.

* * *

Helen's words weren't just reverberating round Rachel's head, they were reverberating around the heads of three other women; Janet, Julie, and Gill.

Rachel had been abused as a child. Even Janet, who thought she'd known all about Rachel's sordid history was surprised.

For Gill, every single time she'd called Rachel into her office for a bollocking came back to haunt her. Yes, sometimes she considered Rachel to be a liability, but there was something about Rachel, something that stirred her maternal instincts. Just seeing Rachel smile, or glow with praise made her happy, and when she was pissed off with Bailey, Gill felt depressed. Not unusual, when she was angry with her team, any of them, she felt disappointed, let down. But with Rachel, Gill felt the same anger and disappointment she felt whenever Sammy did something stupid. She was proud of Sammy, and sometimes Gill wished God had gifted her with a little girl, someone like Rachel. Someone strong, smart, but kind. She'd seen it enough times over the years the DC had worked with her. The memory of how she'd met Rachel often came back to her; it had been a nasty case, that one. Gill had been the SIO in that case, and she remembered getting out of her car, only for a mere DC to stop her, and ask for identification. Gill often smiled at the memory of how frustrated she'd been then, how desperate she'd been to examine the corpse, but the DC had held her back. She had been irritated, but not angry. What would have been the point? The girl had been doing her job, and Gill had relented. Fetched her warrant card, and stuffed it under the girl's eye. She'd even asked for her name. The DC had been petrified stiff, but she was brave, and Gill had had to give her credit for that. For two weeks, Gill had toyed with the idea of getting the DC's supervisor to kick her out, but she hadn't. Instead she'd called to learn more about her. It wasn't everyday Gill Murray met someone who was as ambitious as she had been, someone eager. So she'd arranged the transfer to MIT when she'd learnt that DC Rachel Bailey had wanted to join an MIT syndicate. Gill remembered the bluntness in how she'd told Rachel. It was certainly not how she would speak to her now. Oh, those early days...Sometimes she wondered if Rachel was deliberately making her feel old, but she wouldn't change it because Rachel somehow made her feel like a mother again. Mother. Gill remembered how she'd met Rachel's mother. The woman had repulsed her; how could she claim to be this brilliant young woman's mother when she was nothing but a drunkard? That time they'd gone to Bristol, why had she taken Rachel? Why not someone like Andy, or Janet? She'd chosen Rachel not because of her copper instincts, but because she had wanted someone like her for company. Then the CPS had called her, and Gill had had to watch as Rachel took the news. Rachel had looked like the world around her had collapsed, but then things had to go from bad to worse.

When Julie had come to tell her Savage had been beaten, Gill had considered the possibility Rachel had done it, but only for a second. There had been signs the last time when Savage was treading in Rachel's shadow, but this time it was like someone else was responsible. But when the charges against Savage were dropped, Rachel's first thoughts had been about her wellbeing, and Gill had told her to change the locks on her flat, and then Rachel had seemed to decide not to let the scum damage her life anymore.

When she saw Rachel after the grueling questioning, it had taken all of Gill's police training to stop herself launching over the table, and hug the life from Rachel's body. The only physical contact Gill had ever had with Rachel was putting her hand on the other woman's shoulder when she'd learnt Rachel had missed her sergeant's exams because her brother had had an accident. Gill had felt for Rachel. Her DC had worked hard for the privilege to becoming a Detective Sergeant, only for her brother to take it away from her. He'd almost taken her freedom away, too.

Hearing that she'd been abused by her alcoholic dad made Gill feel sick, and made her wish she was more with it with her teams histories and personal life. It irked her no end when she discovered at the last minute someone was dating a barrister, or had PNCed said barristers car. Maybe that was why Rachel was who she was, she had needed to be tough to cope in an unforgiving world.

At that moment Gill Murray vowed to always be there for her DC. No matter what.

Sharon Bailey may not be up to the task of being Rachel's mother, but DCI Gill Murray was. Always.

* * *

DSI Dodson had always prided herself on being aware of everything that happened, part of the job description after all. But in this case, Julie was scared shitless. When she'd been tasked with investigating the excavation of this places' cellar, Julie had been suspicious of Helen, with good reason. The conniving bitch had sat on important information for thirty years. Julie had known the woman had been abused, sexually as well as physically, it was soon revealed.

Julie hadn't been surprised the CPS had decided to press charges on Helen, not one little bit. It was one thing being questioned for the murder of her own mother, but withholding something as high profile as a number of skeletons stacked up against one another in her old family home cellar.

But one thing disappointed Julie; she hadn't expected Helen Bartlett to kidnap Gill Murray. Big mistake. If she thought the CPS would let that go then she was in for a shock. Julie had been pleased to be given the SIO role, it was better than it being given to Dave Murray, who would have swanned in without a thought to his ex wife's disappearance, just to look impressive.

It was scaring Julie no end; Helen was deranged, driven to madness. The media hadn't been kind to her. The pressure from the media, the constant questioning done by police, the harassment, the memories of her parents and family's deeds coming back to her at once...It was enough to drive anyone up the wall.

When Julie had been given the SIO role, she had been pleased she would be given two members of Gill's team who'd practically lead the Beven investigation. Rachel Bailey and Janet Scott. It had been Rachel who'd maneuvered Joe Beven into confessing his role in Sheila Beven's murder. It took a special kind of psychopath to murder your own daughter, and it was Janet Scott who'd arrested Helen.

She knew Janet, personally. They'd worked together over the years, and Julie had always been impressed by her. Janet was a wise, patient, and caring woman. She was, in Gill's own words, possibly her best interviewer, and Julie agreed with her. When the heads of the MIT syndicates spoke about their team members, they did so with pride which wasn't exaggerated. Gill Murray had worked hard in the police, and her record made her highly regarded and respected. She wasn't prone to exaggerating about any of her team, no. She would sing their praises all day. Even Kevin, the least able detective in Julie's opinion, though during the Beven case, he'd kept his usual moronic tendencies at a minimum. Julie Dodson had certainly heard of DC Rachel Bailey.

She knew from her contacts Rachel had worked in the sex crimes unit, that she was ambitious. Julie liked that. In her opinion, there were far too many people in the police force these days who believed they could do anything they wanted without working. Wrong. Julie wouldn't be the person she was now if she hadn't gone the long and hard way.

Rachel Bailey was one of those people, and Julie felt it was a privilege to meet another.

That didn't mean she hadn't been disappointed. When she'd first met Rachel last year to 'escort' her down to her own syndicate to be questioned for the brutal beating of Nick Savage, Julie had felt both annoyed and disappointed she was going to have to potentially wreck the career of someone who was like her when she'd been younger. Ambitious, gutsy, and strong.

But in a way Rachel had made it too easy; she'd been hungover, she had been in the vicinity without realising it, and all the evidence pointed to her. People getting drunk was never a good combination, and Rachel had reeked of it. Then there was the cut on her forehead, and the lie she'd told about how she'd hurt her hand. Who punches a fucking lamppost?

Julie wouldn't admit it, but she had been pleased Rachel had managed to get by on that one. She was apprehensive though; she hadn't made a good impression on Rachel.

When Julie had met Rachel again during the second Beven investigation, it was a different Rachel, not some drunken wreck. During that investigation Julie was pleased to see the side of Rachel that she was used to hearing, a police officer who thought through everything. When Helen had kidnapped Gill, and Julie had been brought in, the first thing she'd wanted was the dynamic duo of Rachel Bailey and Janet Scott to help. Julie had seen them working together first hand, and she saw no reason to believe they wouldn't work together now.

How wrong she was.

Something had happened between them, something serious. Until Julie had been informed by Janet that Rachel had drunkenly shagged Kevin Lumb, in her house, and in front of her youngest, she hadn't known what it was. Although she could understand given who Rachel had been married to, Julie was a little disappointed Rachel could be so stupid. Did the DC ever learn?

Julie had watched the two working on this kidnapping case, and her disappointment had extended to Janet as well, something she rarely felt given her past association with the woman. Oh the two of them had, more or less, patched up their friendship to work on this one to help Gill, but a minor disagreement had them fighting like cats. By the time Julie had gone out of the office to investigate, Rachel was picking up her coat and bag and was on her way out before Julie could stop her. Her disappointment in the two DCs turned to elation when Rachel called her ten minutes later, and now here they were.

Julie had kicked herself for not even bothering to suspect this place as where Helen had brought Gill, it certainly made sense to her like it did Janet and Rachel once they'd realised it was certainly a probability. On the way to the Beven house, Julie had given into her curiosity and asked Janet what the fuck had happened between her and Rachel to let their friendship breakdown the way it did. When Janet told her Julie had filled in the gaps Janet didn't know about PC Sean bloody McCartney, and the DC's surprise had been genuine. Julie had been a little troubled to see that; didn't Janet and Rachel even speak to each other about their problems, or did they simply lurch from one crisis to the next outside work?

When they'd arrived Julie had smirked mentally at Sean picking himself up, nursing a bruise, but she was troubled by him shouting Rachel was a mad bitch for the whole world to hear. The girl's glee in telling her and Janet what Rachel had done had done wonders. It was also hilarious for Julie to hear dryly from Janet that Rachel had her own fan club of impressionable young girls, and she couldn't help but wonder why they never seemed interested in her, Janet or Gill, but Julie had little interaction with kids.

Maybe that was because she'd been abused as a child, like Helen. The revelation surprised Julie and yet it didn't surprise her somehow. Abused children tended to be wild, which explained the Beven kids and to a lesser extent, Rachel. But where the Beven kids had either been killed or died off simply because they couldn't get away from their pasts, at least one of them had managed to do so until Eunice had been whacked over the head, and Helen was the chief suspect. That investigation had eaten away at Helen like rats over a piece of bloody meat, and the confidence she'd hard won over the years by simply trying to put the hell of her childhood behind her had returned.

It had seriously worried Julie, it still did, as to her motives for coming forwards with the news of the skeletons crammed into the cellar. But then it had been Rachel, who during one of the late night meetings, had suggested it was because Helen had tried so hard for years to hide the truth of her past, that she realised she couldn't get away from it anymore than anybody else no matter how hard you tried, that she had simply given in and told someone.

Look how the CPS had answered that one.

No one had been surprised when they'd decided to go for charging Helen.

Rachel Bailey's performance during that investigation had been flawless aside from that complaint Joe Beven's solicitor had made, but Joe had decided to get it over with because his strength was giving out, and Rachel had managed to trick him into saying something he'd not wanted to say. Julie had hoped for the chance to properly work with her, but more than that she'd wanted to speak to her in the pub, but then Sean and a rather drunken woman Janet identified as Sharon Bailey, Rachel's mother, had foiled that. She'd been a little upset during the first meeting that opened the second investigation - instead of a drunk woman, pale with red rimmed eyes, there was instead a professional woman, alert and focused. She was even more surprised by Kevin Lumb, someone Julie had never truly thought actually fitted into the role of a police officer, but she'd been surprised. He was sitting next to Rachel, and whilst he hadn't lost his touch for lame and frankly stupidly chosen times to joke, he had changed like Gill had promised her. He'd kept his jokes to a bare minimum during the investigation, and he'd worked diligently.

Now the latest revelations had been made, Julie knew the difference between Helen and Rachel. Helen ran from her past, but Rachel had gone out of her way to use her past as a way to excel. Julie wasn't sure what she would and should do next, but she was hoping to help Rachel.

* * *

For Janet the revelations about Rachel being abused as a child wasn't shocking and yet it was. When she'd first met Rachel, Janet had wondered if the new DC had been a human whirlwind. They'd pursued a taxi driver who was in possession of street heroin, and Rachel had driven like a lunatic, ignoring police safety rules and the wellbeing of her own partner. Janet had been furious, but she had been amazed by Rachel when she leapt out of her car, and gone after the driver on foot. The girl was fast, strong, and although Janet agreed with Sean about Rachel being mad, there was truth in the fact her methods, not matter how unorthodox, bore results, it was just how she did them that worried Janet. The older, more responsible, married, mother of two girls, policewoman had almost had a heart attack. She still suffered from near misses, though. How many times had Rachel pulled off a stunt, and it nearly killed her? Janet often mused to herself that Rachel was responsible for all her headaches, grey hairs, and wrinkles around her face, more than Taisie or Elise combined, and that said something. Taisie was like Rachel in many ways, that had been one of the reasons why Janet hadn't wanted anything to do with her when they'd first met. Rachel acted like a teen at times; she whined, moped, sulked, but underneath all that she was a fucking good cop, and a bloody good detective.

Janet sometimes worried about Rachel, though for the last couple of weeks she hadn't cared one bit. She'd been disgusted by Rachel's infidelity, and how she'd even dragged Kevin back to her house, and shagged him. Janet had been disappointed in her, and even considered whether or not her mother had a point about Rachel.

Now here she was, listening to how Rachel had been abused, and she hadn't noticed. No, it had been another abused child.

Helen Bartlett, or rather Beven. Of course she would know, one abused child caring about another. It certainly explained how sympathetic, genuinely sympathetic, Rachel had been towards her when she'd interviewed Helen personally. It also explained why Helen was so open to Rachel, and so closed off to others.

Helen was speaking again, and this time Janet quickly took her phone out to record the conversation without Julie noticing. She wanted her mother to hear this for herself. They needed to stop thinking Rachel was a layabout.

" Why should I mind my own business?" Helen challenged. " I often wondered about you," she said softly, " after that first time, and I was let off. I wondered how I could be so open with you, and yet not be open with anyone save Louise."

Janet's eyes widened, so Helen hadn't been sure and Rachel had.

" Whenever I spoke to you, I felt safe." Helen carried on. " Like I said I wondered why, but then it struck me. You'd been abused, too."

Rachel was too silent. Not a good sign. Janet was worried.

" I wonder how this bitch feels," Helen wondered aloud, " about knowing one of her officers was abused as a kid. She probably doesn't care."

If Janet had been worried before, she was terrified now. Rachel still wasn't speaking. She'd often confided in Janet that she didn't think Gill liked her, but that wasn't true.

" That's not true."

Janet and Julie jumped at the voice. Gill's voice.

" I do care," Gill's voice was quiet and solemn. " Rachel, I may have been harsh on you at times," Janet held the urge to chuckle, " but I do care about you. I honestly didn't know."

Rachel was still silent. Janet wondered if she was even genuine.

" I noticed the wedding ring, and I heard someone scream, calling you a mad bitch," Helen carried on. " Don't tell that he was your husband."

Oh, shit.

" Not going well, is it?" Helen asked mockingly.

Oh, god, Janet groaned mentally. If Helen kept this up, they'd have to call an ambulance, or even someone to go to a cemetery to pick out a plot for Helen's burial. The sound of the ambulance who Julie had called arrived.

It got worse.

" What about that blonde bitch, Janet Scott?" Helen asked. " How come she isn't here, not friends? Had a lovers tiff?"

Oh no, Janet thought. It was like knowing there was a bomb about to go off and they couldn't do a thing about it.

* * *

Rachel herself was too angry to even care if someone else was in the house with her. She could feel everything unravelling, spinning out of control. She had worked hard to be the person she was now, and Helen Bartlett was taking her apart with just a few well chosen sentences and taunts. Memories of how her father had gone into drunken rages, taking his anger out on her mother, and later on Alison, and to a lesser extent, Dom, who'd received more blows to the head than the girls had.

Maybe that was why he was so thick. Simple.

Alison had suffered, but Rachel...

Rachel remembered how she'd born the brunt because she always tried to take the weight off the others. Alison had certainly not deserved it, and had she known what kind of person Dom would grow into, she wouldn't have bothered. But Alison was her big sister, and she cared more for her than she did about Dom at times.

When Gill had spoken, her voice odd, did Rachel take note. It was the same sympathetic tone of voice her boss had used when she'd been told Nick had been let off, when Rachel had told her she'd missed her exams. There was no bravado, no understanding, just a maternal warmth. Factual warmth.

Her boss was telling the truth.

When Helen taunted her about Janet, about their friendship, that really made her angry. She marched over to the door where Helen's voice was coming from, and ignoring her police training, she kicked the door open.

Gill was there, hands behind her back, her clothes rumpled with a tear in the shoulder of her top. The sight angered Rachel even more. Standing next to her, holding a knife, was Helen. Dimly aware of Helen's appearance, torn and baggy hoodie, a deranged look about her, Rachel stepped into the room.

For Gill it was like a nightmare. Rachel's face was stony, a mask. Her eyes were bright with anger, and worse she was walking into a hostage situation without defusing it.

Helen smirked at her.

" Let her go," Rachel's voice was quiet, almost unrecognisable.

" Why should I?" Helen asked.

" Because I asked you too," Rachel replied. " This isn't going to work, Helen. Use your brain. They're not going to let you get away with this, it's one thing coming thirty years too late with the horrors of this place, but kidnapping a police officer isn't going to help."

Helen made a sound like a choked sob.

" Helen," the anger faded in Rachel's eyes. " Please, don't do anything stupid."

" WHY NOT?" Helen shrieked, the sound making Gill whimper, and shy away from her. Rachel kept perfectly still, her eyes fixed on Helen and the knife in her hand.

" What have I got left?" Helen screamed. " I don't have anything left, _because I trusted you_. Do you know what its like to trust a system only for them to stab you in the back?!"

It had been meant as a rhetorical question, but Rachel needed to shock her into submission. " Yes, I do. I had a boyfriend who tried to kill me, he was responsible for other crimes," she explained to Helen's shock and Gill's irritation she was discussing a subject they swore was taboo, " but the CPS let him off. I was let down, Helen."

Helen's grip slackened on the knife, and she gazed at Rachel with wonder. Rachel relaxed, thinking Helen was seeing sense. The woman threw her knife, catching Rachel by surprise as it sliced at her cheek. Helen took advantage of Rachel's surprise by rushing at her, slamming into the DC's chest, and knocked her onto the landing. Helen was on top of Rachel, squeezing the police officer's chest with her legs, making her choke.

" YOU LIED TO ME!" Helen screamed, punching Rachel in the face over and over again.

Rachel coughed, and her vision was going black. Dimly she could hear voices that sounded like Julie, or was it Janet? Her upper arms were pinned down by Helen's feet, but her wrists were free. She let her hands go out to search for a weapon, and she came across a piece of wood. She lifted it up, and gathered her remaining strength to slam it against Helen's head.

The blow was so unexpected Helen fell off with a cry, and Rachel wriggled free. She checked Helen, before she ran back to Gill. She could hear Julie and Janet come closer, but Rachel didn't care. She picked up Helen's discarded knife, and used it to cut the bonds.

Gill shot up and grabbed Rachel in a hug. Rachel froze; this wasn't the kind of hug she was used to, this was something else. It wasn't even a hug a scared woman would use on a rescuer out of relief. Then her eyes widened, as she realised this hug was something only mothers used. The fact this was Gill Murray made this even sweeter. She closed her eyes in joy.

Julie and Janet came in, and saw the hugging women. Gill opened her eyes, and smiled at her friends. She shifted Rachel, and opened her arms out to them. Julie and Janet came over, and entered the embrace. Rachel's eyes shot open when she felt the two other women. Janet was looking at her nervously, but Rachel smiled shakily at her, and hugged her tight. A tap on her shoulder had Rachel twisting round to view Julie, her eyes sad and kind. Rachel smiled at her too.

" Bitches."

Helen had come too, and she was holding her knife. Rachel had dropped it after Gill had knocked into her. Breathing hard, eyes mad, Helen glared at Rachel with loathing, " I thought you'd understand." She raised her knife.

And she was off, before anyone could blink, Rachel had escaped the threeway embrace, and had wrestled Helen for the knife, pushing her to the landing to the stairs. Rachel panted. She made it a point to jog three times a week, and going to the gym for four times a week to keep herself fit and strong to better do her job, but also because she enjoyed feeling like she had lots of energy.

But Helen was strong too, but that strength came from madness. Growling at the effort because her opponent was just as strong, Helen punched Rachel in the chest, making her double up with pain. Gill, Julie and Janet watched as Helen brought the knife, and stabbed Rachel in the side of her chest where the vest was weakest. Rachel gasped, and blood started falling.

Helen gasped. " No, it wasn't meant like this-"

She started to shake. Gill and Julie caught Rachel as she slowly collapsed, but Janet's eyes were wide with anger as she remembered the time when Geoff Hastings had stabbed her, and Rachel had moved heaven and earth to help Dorothy and Adrian with the girls, but she'd stayed with her at hospital, speaking to her, keeping her company. How could she have forgotten that?

Now history was repeating itself.

Janet was about to move towards Helen, when the tearful woman brought the knife, and stabbed herself in the chest. She died instantly.

* * *

Sean watched as his wife, or rather ex wife, was brought out on a stretcher closely followed by Janet, and DSI Dodson and DCI Murray. The three women followed Rachel as another stretcher carrying Helen Bartlett's dead body was taken out covered by a red blanket.

The three police women ignored Sean as they left for the nearest car. Julie suggested they take hers, they could have someone drive Gill's back to her place. The three women were too drained to care.

They'd practically forgotten the uniformed officers there, confident they would hold off the public for a while longer so then forensics would go in and do their usual crime scene jobs, although they couldn't see the point. They would've forgotten Sean, if the fool hadn't started speaking.

" I told you she was a mad bitch," he was saying to one of his mates, " now look where it's got her."

Janet, Julie, and Gill froze, and paused to listen, but not one uniform was listening.

One of the uniforms said quietly, " I don't think that's what happened, Sean, and you know it."

Sean shook his head, a sneer on his lips. " That whore deserved it."

That was it. Gill ran back, and repeatedly punched and kicked Sean McCartney's face and shins until he was whining. Finally Julie's strong hands pulled her away, but Gill wasn't done with him yet, not by a long shot.

" I told Rachel at the reception she deserved something nice," she told him, " but I could see she was a little unnerved, but I'd hoped she would've made the marriage work. You didn't do anything, did you? No, just like any other bloke, you just didn't put in any other effort. I'm going to make you pay for what you've just said." She pointed at the spot the ambulance had stood. " That woman just saved my life, and could lose hers in return."

Julie decided enough was enough, so she dragged Gill away. But not before she told him, as a DSI, she would make sure his supervisor learnt of what he'd just done


	3. Chapter 3

**Like A Daughter, Like a Mother. **

Sammy Murray had felt as though his world was collapsing on itself when he'd learnt his mother had been kidnapped, but he'd felt confident with people like Julie Dodson, who was in many ways an aunt to him, would find her safe and sound.

Julie had called over ten minutes ago to tell him his mother was fine, that she was in hospital because DC Rachel Bailey, who'd taken a stab wound to the chest, was in ICU.

Sammy now approached his mother, who was standing, staring into space. When he touched her shoulder, she looked into his eyes and launched herself at him, dragging him into a crushing hug.

" How're you doing, mum?" It was a stupid question, Sammy knew, but he couldn't find anything else to ask.

Gill drew back, and Sammy saw the tears in his mothers eyes. It was rare that his mother showed emotions that made her cry, but when they did it scared him. Sometimes after a long day at work, his mother would come in, and she would drop the DCI Murray persona, and show the broken and tired woman in her place. His mother was strong, yes, but she had suffered enough because of his father's infidelity. She'd dropped the job in the police she'd loved, that she was fucking good at, just for him. It made Sammy guilty to know that sometimes he acted stupid, after all she'd done and sacrificed for him, but they had a good relationship, and she was supportive of his decisions like marrying Orla.

Oh, right.

" Orla sends her love, but she couldn't make it," he whispered. " She's gonna try and make it at the house soon."

" I'm not going home until I know Rachel's okay."

Sammy had met Rachel before, at a party with Orla. His girlfriend had been shy of meeting so many police officers, but Rachel put her at ease. He liked her, too. He thought she was funny, bubbly, and she and Orla had gotten on brilliantly. He knew how much the young DC meant to his mother, but this was ridiculous. She looked okay, but shaken. She had a couple of plasters on her face from where Helen had hurt her.

" Mum-"

" No, Sammy," she said, " Rachel could've died. I also found some things about her, I want her to be okay."

But Sammy wouldn't listen. Though he'd made the decision to marry Orla and become a policeman, and be like his mother - his dad didn't count as he was a jerk - but he was still an immature kid at times.

" Oh right," he found himself saying, making Gill look at him askance. " What about me, your own son? No, all you care about is her."

" Sammy-"

" No, mum. Why do you care more about her than me, than what I want for you?"

" BECAUSE I NEVER HAD A DAUGHTER, THAT'S WHY!" Gill shouted, drawing the attention of doctors. She ignored their indignation, and fresh tears fell from her eyes. " I never had a daughter, Sammy. That was one of the reasons why your father and I divorced, why he went after..._her," _she hissed the word that described the bimbo who Dave had knocked up.

Gill looked away. " I was pregnant with our second child," she explained, her voice shaking from her tears. " I hoped it was a little girl. I loved you, but I wanted to braid someone's hair, teach them how to live. When I found out, I was happy. Then, on a case, I was injured, and I had a miscarriage, and your father blamed me."

With her eyes watering, Gill focused on her son. He was tearful himself, and he looked ashamed. Good, she thought angrily.

She shook herself of the anger, it would do Sammy no good. She pointed her head at the theatre where Rachel was in being looked over and treated of her injury, the memory of Janet came to mind. Janet and Julie were outside.

" Then she came along," Gill sobbed, " and she made me feel like a mother again. I love her Sammy, but I love you too."

* * *

Julie and Janet stood outside, tired. Janet's hand was on her phone, she'd just called her mother, told her to come to the hospital. She wanted to play that tape in person so then her mother could finally understand Rachel a bit better. Janet had already called Alison, who would get away as soon as she could, she hoped. She'd gotten the answerphone. Janet had called her five times already, but she knew Alison's job was social, so she could be in a meeting. It could take hours for her to get away.

" What will you say when your mother comes?" Julie's voice cut across Janet's thoughts.

Janet sighed. " I don't know."

" You mean you'll play that recording you made," Julie smiled at her. " I noticed it out of the corner of my eye, Janet. Don't forget, I am a DSI."

" You mean you're not going to reprimand me?"

" Why should I?" Julie folded her arms. " Though I am curious why you made it in the first place."

Janet sighed again. " My mother...she doesn't like Rachel, she sees her as a layabout. I...I thought that too, when I found her in bed with Kevin."

" Take my advice, Janet," Julie said quietly, " make up with Rachel, before its too late. I've seen dozens of friendships break up over the years, and your friendship with Rachel is something I see in my friendship with Gill."

Janet couldn't form words, and as if on cue Gill arrived, followed by Sammy.

" How is she?" Julie asked.

The smile on Gill's face made the two other women breath again. " She's gonna be okay," she said, and her gaze fell on Janet, or rather someone behind Janet. " What do you want?" she asked bluntly.

Sean was standing there, her looked uncertain. " I just wanted to see how my wife was," he began defensively. " That alright with you?"

Gill Murray hadn't become a police officer for nothing. " Considering your wife was stabbed, and you called her a mad bitch, saying that she'd brought it on herself, you've a fucking nerve coming here. Why are you here now?"

Sean didn't say a word, he glanced behind him. Julie, Sammy, Janet, and Gill followed his gaze, and they caught sight of a little boy that Janet and Gill knew to be Hayden, Sean's son, and another woman. This woman was speaking to Hayden with warmth and he was laughing his head off, far more than Janet had seen with Rachel.

The woman was gorgeous, she had chocolate colored skin, so she couldn't be Hayden's mother, and long thick black hair.

Janet was furious, so she didn't notice her mother approaching with Taisie and Elise. " How long," she whispered angrily, " how long have you been seeing her, were you doing it behind Rachel's back?"

" Doing what behind Rachel's back?" Taisie asked, then her eyes caught the woman in the back with Hayden in Sean's car. " Oh," she said, working it out. Elise closed her eyes.

Dorothy followed the gazes too, and her eyes widened.

Janet glared at Sean. " Answer me, how long? Were you seeing her before or after you married Rach?"

Sean licked his lips. " It was after, wasn't it?" Elise whispered.

He said nothing, confirming it. Instead he held out an envelope. " Our divorce papers," he murmured. " It was a mistake, she was a useless fucking wife anyway." He threw the papers, and Elise caught them. Then Sean turned away and walked off. Dorothy watched him go in shock.

* * *

Rachel had been awake for a while, thinking to herself, sitting in thought before she groaned aloud as she tried shifting, but her side ached in agony. " Ow," she spat. The door opened, and she found herself looking at Janet.

" Hi," Janet greeted, looking unsure.

" Hi," Rachel echoed.

" How are you?"

Rachel shrugged. " Oh you know, I've been stabbed in the side, but I'm happy I'm still alive." She winced when she realised what she'd said. Janet had almost died because of a stabbing, and here she was being egotistical.

" Sorry, I shouldn't have said it," Rachel apologised quickly.

Janet waved it off. " It's fine-"

" No, it's not," Rachel argued. " Even now I'm acting like a fool." She took a deep breath. " I'm sorry, for everything. For letting you down, for constantly going to you for help."

" Rachel, its fine-"

Rachel shook her head. " How many times have I come to you, Janet? I'm sick of it. I'm sick of my personal life. Maybe I should simply-"

" Simply what?" Janet asked, walking over to her, her face tight with impatience. " Go on, tell me."

" I'm tired Janet," Rachel replied. " When Sean burst into the office to punch Kevin, I realised only then how many times my issues have pushed the boss close to kicking me out of MIT. I don't know what I should do, maybe I should just stay at home and watch DVDs."

" And miss those chances to get pissed?" Janet asked keeping her mockery to a minimum, it would only push Rachel away.

" It was me being pissed that made it easy for Julie Dodson to think I'd beaten the shit out of-him, and then for me to shag Kevin at your place, in front of Taisie," Rachel looked away. " Maybe Helen did me a favour. I've been awake for a while, going over and over in my head what just happened. I came so close to potentially dying, but what I did to Sean came back me. He deserves better than me. Always did. Maybe being stabbed by her did wonders."

" What are you talking about?" Janet asked. How the fuck could Rachel believe that?

Rachel licked her lips. " When I was under, before I went under, I realised how little I've lived. I have never gone abroad, never properly listened to a piece of music. I've never seen anything beyond the British isles, I've never travelled anywhere in my life. Do you know that since joining, all I've done is try and be better, to be someone like Julie or Gill, if not better?"

" Yeah," Janet replied. Rachel was ambitious, everyone knew that.

" I'm not saying I wanna run away or somemat," Rachel said, " but I want to see life rather than let it slip past me."

" Does this have anything to do with Sean?"

" No," Rachel answered. " Why would you say and think that?"

Janet sighed. She wondered how she was going to broach this subject without Rachel going berserk. " We saw Sean before I came here. He was with Hayden, who was waiting in his car. He had someone with him."

Rachel's eyes widened as she studied Janet. She was unsure, too unsure. No, no way, not after all he'd tried to keep the marriage from-

" Who was she?" she whispered.

Janet shook her head. " I dunno." Remembering the papers, she showed them to Rachel. Her...friend, she hoped, stared at them in shock. " Are these what I think they are?"

" The divorce papers, yeah," Janet leaned against the side with a sigh. " I'm sorry Rachel."

Rachel glanced at her, so Janet explained. " When I caught you in bed with Kevin, I lost it because you were doing it infront of Taisie, and I knew the marriage wasn't perfect, but I didn't expect you to go that far."

" Neither did I," Rachel admitted.

" I'm hardly a saint," Janet admitted as well. " Look at me, I shagged Andy behind Ade's back twice."

Rachel was silent. " Where's Sean now?"

" He's gone with his new fancy woman."

" Do you have a pen?"

* * *

Dorothy came in, followed by Elise, Taisie, Julie and Gill. Janet was sitting by Rachel's bed, the patient laughing at a joke. Both women glanced up, and Rachel's smile became apprehensive. " Hi," she whispered.

Taisie and Elise glanced at one another, and they went to hug Rachel. She was surprised, and she hugged back slowly.

" How have you two been at school?" Rachel asked when they pulled away.

Elise smirked. " I aced a test."

" I only got 20 on my marks," Taisie said petulantly.

" Girls!" Janet said, but Rachel chuckled. " It's okay, Jan. Can I speak to Taisie alone for a minute? Please."

Janet nodded, and she escorted everyone out.

Rachel didn't know where to start, but Taisie did. " I'm sorry, Rachel," she whispered. " I didn't mean to get you kicked out."

" Don't be," Rachel's reply shocked the girl. " I think it was gonna happen anyway. It was my fault, I should never have married Sean. You've nothing to be sorry for."

" Why did you marry him if you didn't love him?" Taisie was a bright girl. In fact she had the same brains as her sister, she just preferred to use them differently. She could see the divorce papers in Rachel's lap, so she could deduce her friend knew what Sean had done.

Rachel sighed, she could see that the others were listening to what she was saying to Taisie. Even Dorothy. " I married Sean because I was going through a rough patch." Rachel knew she didn't need to explain, Taisie knew only too well. " He was my rock in those days, he was there for me when my sister and your mother weren't, he was there with a smile, willing to talk," she smiled, then it faded. " When we were married, he made no effort like I did. Despite what your grandmother may think," she held up a hand to stop Taisie from arguing, but she didn't, Taisie knew her grandmother didn't like Rachel, " I did make the effort, Tais, but Sean would just sit there like a sponge, sucking everything I did up. He would never do anything to help me in the flat, instead he and Hayden would sit in front of the telly. I felt like I was the one holding everything together whilst he made no effort whatsoever." She swallowed. " That's what led up to me staying at your house, and you catching me..."she trailed off, looking away guiltily.

Taisie blinked. In all the time she'd known Rachel, she'd never known her to be like this.

" Rachel, I'm sorry," she whispered.

Rachel looked at her. " Friends?"

Taisie hugged her tight. " Friends."

* * *

When the others came in, Rachel only had to look them in the eyes. " You were listening, weren't you? It's okay, I don't blame you. I've made mistakes, but now..."she looked down. " I told Janet earlier that being this close to death made me realise how precious life is. I've wasted so long here in Manchester, but I want to see more."

" What do you mean?" Gill asked.

Rachel looked at her. " I'd like to go on leave to recover, but also to travel. I want to see places like the pyramids of Egypt, the Sidney opera house, and - oh, so many places. But most of all, I want to come home a different person."

Gill came over to her, and sat down next to her. " Are you sure?"

Rachel nodded. " Yes. When I saved you, and was stabbed, I realised I'd done little with my life. I wanna change that."

" But you have done things with your life!"

" But when I had blood pouring, I realised things I've never thought before. I wanted to reach out grab opportunities, but I can't do that here in Manchester." Rachel looked round at each of their faces. " I'll be back. I promise."

Gill smiled. " If that's what you want," she said, and she leaned forwards and hugged her. " Your desk will be ready for you when you get home. Just be careful."

Rachel hugged her back.

**Author's note. I'm sorry if I've made Rachel's character a bit OC, but still you have to admit its a possibility.**


End file.
